SWADHDF (single white ad/hd female)

I totally came up with a great blog idea this morning and now I can't remember it. I am not making this up.

So here's my other blog idea, that I TOTALLY STOLE from an ongoing email thread between my ADHD Positive friends. I'll call them Steph and Jess. They really are named Steph and Jess but I'm going to call Jess Steph and call Steph Jess so that I can pretend that I'm being anonymous. Only I'm not going to refer to them individually at all, so it will make no difference. Besides, I think they're approximately 1/2 my reading audience.

Side note: Steph and Jess had never been introduced before and got along famously. You can say it's just the anonymity of the Internet, but I think there is some sort of common bond that makes a lot of AD/HD peeps friends at first tangent. Certainly I've met a few I've wanted to punch in the face, but for the most part it seems like a strange, whimsical sorority. (I realize that this excludes dudes, but most of my AD/HD friends are female, for some reason. Also, what dude doesn't want to crash a sorority party???)

So anyway. Jess and Steph were discussing the idea that there should be a website dedicated to men who want to date women with ADD. I actually disagree, because I think it's better to surprise them a few weeks into the relationship. Just kidding. Not that you want to "warn" someone ahead of time, but an AD/HD peep definitely wants to look for a mate who is going to, shall we say, "compliment" her personality. Here's what Jess (the real Jess, not the Stephanie Jess), whose hilarious and intelligent blog can be found on my sidebar, said the profile of her ideal man would read as such:

"I like women with random conversation tangents, who take on too many projects to ever complete, who forget things and lose things around the house 10 times a day, who ask repeatedly when an event begins because writing it down in ten places and putting it on the Google calendar isn't enough, who get so absorbed in Mah-jongg Solitaire that they lose track of time and go to bed at 2 AM instead of 11 PM, and who make impulse decisions or can't make any decisions because the options are all so intriguing."

Well, everyone has a type. I'm sure there's someone out there for ya, Jess. GOOD LUCK. (Oh man, is she screwed.)

Jk. Jess's description of herself could easily be that of myself or Stephanie (the real Stephanie, not the Jess Stephanie), just substitute Bubbletown or World of Warcraft for Mah-jongg Solitaire, respectively. Edward Hallowell, author of several AD/HD self help books and go-to guy for all things AD/HD related says in the book "Delivered from Distraction" that probably the two most important "treatments" for a person with AD/HD are to find the right job and marry the right person. Of course, we all want a job we love and to find "the right person" (if we're looking, of course - and certainly monogamy may not be for all those w/AD/HD). I think what Dr. Hallowell is saying is that choosing the right mate can be immensely helpful when it comes to managing one's AD/HD symptoms. But what is this "right person" for someone with AD/HD?

Definitely it's different for each person, but I think it's safe to say that most AD/HD peeps need a certain sort of understanding. I'm making it sound like we're damaged goods, which I don't believe we are. I guess the way I should say it is that, as people with AD/HD, we will be much happier with someone who is the type to be a little more involved in their mate's life than maybe some would prefer. Instead of trying to describe this intangible thing, let me give you a few examples from my own life, since Jason has told me several times how much he likes it when I broadcast details about our personal life on the web. Jason is a particularly nurturing person, by which I mean I think he has an innate drive within him to want to help others, especially his close loved ones. This works well for me because, as it turns out, I need a lot of help. (Including professional help.) Once I got over that big hurdle of realizing that having AD/HD meant I was going to need to start asking others for help, it was a very nice surprise to have someone waiting for me, ready to help. Sometimes it's a very small thing, like setting a reminder on his iPhone for me to give Lando his monthly flea treatment, and sometimes it's big things continually prodding me about my writing. He's a neatnick (so he cleans) but not obsessively so (so he can actually live with me). I do still have guilt over the fact that he will probably always do the dishes much, much, much more often than I do, though he tries to reassure me that this can just be "his job." I don't know what "my job" is, though. Certainly not dusting or vacuuming. I should add here that probably the best thing any AD/HD couple can do for themselves is hire a cleaning lady. Ours quit. Anyone got a good one?

It seems like Jason and I have a good understanding where he is helping me but in a way that enables me to help myself rather than just smother him or use him as a crutch. Hopefully he agrees with this ascertation. He also seems to enjoy my tangents and unpredictablility, while having extra stores of patience and understanding. It seems like the AD/HD mate should help to provide a some extra structure but be flexible enough to roll with the AD/HD punches and enjoy some quality out-of-the-box thinking. What do you guys think?