Things That Would Have Made it not as Bad that I Spilled A Full Cup of Hot Coffee On My Desk Yesterday

1) If it had already drank some of it.
2) If it had not been hot.
3) If coffee were not brown.
4) If I did not have a huge stack of documents sitting right where the coffee was spilled.
5) If the coffee had not immediately spread under the mesh desktop organizer that held more documents and which is extremely difficult to clean.
6) If I weren’t so fond of my multi-colored post-it note cube.
7) If I enjoyed having a sticky stapler.
8) If the smell of mildew and coffee mixed together were more pleasant.
9) If I had not yelled “OH SHIT!” very loudly in front of my boss.
10) If I had just not spilled the damn thing in the first place.